'Normalisation' - a concerning trend or a balm for self-compassion?

Well well well ... I reckon it is time to talk about “normalisation” - a trend that is filling my social media feed.

You’ve probably noticed a pattern in the scrolling—let’s normalise this, let’s normalise that. Suddenly, everything is up for normalisation. I personally find there is something wonderful amidst this notion. It’s rooted in care. In compassion. In saying: “you’re not alone.” It wants to make space for people to feel less “othered” in their struggles.

However, here I am with a pretty major caveat ...

In therapy, normalisation isn’t the end of the story — it’s the beginning.

When I work to normalise and reduce shame surrounding challenging behaviours with a client (thus normalising talking about it), I’m not closing the book. I’m saying: this thing you’re holding so tightly in shame—let’s look at it together. Not to excuse it. Not to say it doesn’t matter. But to understand it. To bring it into the light so we can work with it. Gently. Honestly. With purpose. Meanwhile, shame keeps us stuck. It wraps around a person like a fog and keeps them trapped in a behaviour, in a way of thinking and in the past. It says, You’re the only one. It says, Don’t talk about this. It says, Hide.

But normalisation, when used with care, says: You are not your behaviour. You are not your worst moment. You are human. And from that starting point, we get to work. We look at what happened. We ask the hard questions: Where did this come from? What were you trying to protect yourself from?

What did you need that you weren’t getting? And, what do you need now?

We’ve all been there. Truly. If we’re honest—and I mean really honest—we’ve all said the wrong thing, snapped at someone we love, lied (to numerous degrees of severity), been unkind, hidden something, judged, reacted from fear, from pride, from hurt. That doesn’t make us bad. It makes us human.

I’ve seen it again and again in the therapy room: When clients let go of the shame (even just a little), when they let themselves be seen in all their complexity, the healing begins. It’s not always comfortable. It’s not always linear. But it’s real. And it’s powerful. And it sticks.

Because when you understand why you did something—not just intellectually, but in your bones—you’re far more likely to take responsibility. You’re more likely to repair. To shift. To grow. Not from a place of punishment, but from a place of deep self-respect.

But here’s my caution: Normalisation without accountability, without reflection, without depth, can flatten the conversation. It can turn something profound into a catchphrase. And that’s where social media can sometimes miss the mark. It’s well-meaning. It’s trying to reach out and say “me too.” But if we stop there, we risk bypassing the really important part—the growth.

So yes, of course, let’s normalise talking about mental health. Let’s normalise saying, “I had this really controversial reaction to XYZ.” Let’s normalise naming shame, bringing it into the room, and giving it air. But let’s also normalise the hard work of self-reflection. Let’s normalise sitting with discomfort, offering ourselves grace and accountability in the same breath.

Because that’s where the transformation lives. In the nuance. In the work. In the humanity.

You are not the worst thing you’ve done. You are not beyond repair. You are not alone. You are a whole, complex, growing person.

Let’s normalise that, too.

Hiya! Cat here ... my work is rooted in curiosity, compassion, and honesty. I believe therapy is a space where we can bring our whole selves - especially the parts we feel unsure or ashamed of - and begin to understand them with care. I work with individuals who want to explore their patterns, deepen their self-awareness, and create lasting change.

If this post resonated with you, please do get in touch. If you’re ready to begin a conversation - whether it’s about shame, behaviour, or simply feeling more connected to yourself - I’d be honoured to walk alongside you. You can learn more about how I work here, or get in touch to book an initial session. You can also book a 'call back' here.

As always, I hope you a wonderful week and that you have the courage to do what is right in the situations you encounter! I have left a song to accompany this piece by the Ting Tings from their new 2025 releases - this one is called Good People do Bad Things ... it also happens to be quite a summery little tune.

Cat. xx

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