In Therapy
​​Anger can be a powerful 'boundary emotion'. By this I mean that anger can arise when someone is crossing our boundaries - perhaps by overstepping, physically or emotionally. Maybe your manager or a friend are constantly demanding too much from you. Perhaps you are feeling overwhelmed and having been feeling this for a while! Anger can be an emotion that helps us protect ourselves emotionally and physically.
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There is nothing wrong with experiencing and feeling anger, in fact it is a healthy emotional expression. However sometimes, for many reasons, we might struggle with containing this anger and from expressing it healthily and safely. This can cause our relationships to break down. On top of this, the needs we might have been trying to communicate may not be heard amidst the behaviours attached to difficulties with controlling and expressing anger.
Sometimes it might feel that anger is the only emotion you feel able to experience or express, or you might feel you lose control when you notice yourself start to feel angry - a 0-100 type of situation! Perhaps the anger feels like it comes from a place that feels bottomless, like the rage, feelings of injustice or hurt and anger goes on for miles and miles and all of the anger from every time you feel you have been wronged comes to the surface. Maybe you even notice in the moment that the reaction feels wrong but feel unable to calm down...
This can be scary and could even leave you feeling ashamed or guilty, especially if you said something you didn't mean to somebody. In the aftermath we might say 'I should never have said that, I don't know what came over me!' but then the moment passes and we do nothing about it ... until it happens again.
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Not being able to control our anger - which can include anger that leads to the destruction of our own prized possessions or self-harming - can also come from not learning, at an early age, how to calm down, how to navigate feeling wronged, hurt, embarrassed or undermined without lashing out. Perhaps it also comes from years of feeling that you had to repress this anger (maybe even out of fear of the repercussions of expressing yourself honestly and authentically - anger included!).
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In therapy we can explore how you got here, when your feelings of anger started feeling out of control, what triggers the anger, and what you learned about anger from those around you as you grew up. Understanding is helpful in helping us engage with our own self-compassion and empathy as we look at ways to intervene with our strong emotional reactions so that we can take the time to learn to respond and not react. I want to let you know that experiencing anger outbursts doesn't make you a bad person.
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In therapy, I'm here to listen, to hear your story, and help you navigate, with compassion, this place of challenge so that you can live a life that you feel is worth living and that enables you to have healthy relationships and connections.
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If this sounds like you, please do reach out and let's see whether we would be a good fit to work together. We can look at what a future for you and those you love could look like based on your therapeutic goals.
