Donor Conceived Experiences
Being donor conceived is a unique and nuanced experience. Despite the ethical difficulties and emotional difficulties facing DCPs it seems that we are often left outside of the narrative and the discussion, adding to the feeling of being 'other' or unseen. Below I discuss how we might explore this therapeutically.
In Therapy
Donor conceived people can often feel left out of the conversation. However, this is not because of the lack of necessary discussion around the experience. Sometimes as a DCP you may feel you are not listened to or taken seriously which can further amplify a sense of isolation and lack of autonomy.
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Common struggle for adult DCP include:
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Late discovery - creating a sense of alienation or grief for losing a part of heritage that they once related to - perhaps family members that they felt they looked like but now realise that they are not actually biologically related to.
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People's prejudices - either suggesting that their conception is 'wrong', or suggesting that if a person is donor conceived, they are wanted which makes a DCP interested in discovering the biological parent 'selfish' or 'ungrateful'.
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People who are donor conceived are denied access to 50% of their DNA which can create legitimate medical concerns and anxieties and a feeling that they are unsure of what illnesses or diseases they may be at risk of.
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A feeling of loneliness and a lack of support and awareness creating a feeling of alienation.
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Unwanted contact from other DCP family members through DNA testing sites.
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Shifts and loss of identity and sense of self.
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And these are just a few of the nuanced struggles that can be faced by DCPs. As a donor conceived person myself, I understand some of the stigma and, obstacles, and other nuances associated with the DCP experience.
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Through therapy you can experience and knowing and understanding environment which allows you to choose the way you identify with your complex relationships (including how you identify your parent(s) and biological parent(s)). I also recognise the stigma created by some therapies which pathologise single-parent or same-sex parentage but in our therapy, we can explore your unique experience through an inclusive and you-centred lens!
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I am listed on the trusted therapist directory for Donor Conceived UK and co-wrote a 'good practice' article for the official BACP journal on the topic of the donor conceived experience. I discuss the article more here. You can also read the article more clearly here.
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